FRIDAY, 9 AM
We woke up, and went to Dunkin Donuts, where Jonny had a $30 gift card. I didn’t make use of it, however, since I was too busy eating an apple I found in Joel’s fridge. I love apples. But only certain kinds. The larger and more solid they are, the better.
You know what’s weird about apples and oranges? Look at the actual constitution of them. Apples are like moist tissue; it breaks into little chunks, but the chunks end up usually somewhat square shaped, like it was wood or something. But oranges are comprised of these tiny little fluid-filled sacs that are all perfectly lined up against each other and form a tight sphere and eight exact slices. Oranges are crazy. I almost wonder if we should eat them or appreciate their biological supremacy.
FRIDAY, 10 AM
ROYAL SPACE FORCE: WINGS OF HONNEAMISE
This was supposed to be a show called “Phoenix”. Something about people getting immortality or something. But, as is often the case at Otakon (particularly the 35MM room, which this year had been renamed the HD Room, although now that I think about it, I don’t think they actually had a 35MM projector this year, so maybe that title was apt… aaaanywaaay), that would not be showing. Instead, we got Honneamise. This was one of those movies that I’d always heard mentioned and seen on the occasional shelf, but never heard anything about, and never felt compelled to watch before.
In short, it was pretty damn good, although I only saw about half of it. Pretty solid foundation, I know. But I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. The animation and visuals were amazing; I couldn’t believe it was 21 years old. It’s about a dude who the government decides to send into space, meanwhile the country is about to go to war with a neighboring state and the space flight is under protest from the poor, oppressed citizens who feel the money would be better spent. The dude meets up with a religious chick, and in one scene that doesn’t particularly make a lot of sense, he tries to rape her. Like, seriously. And halfway through the movie, too. She’s changing, he charges in, pins her down (in front of her sleeping daughter, no less), and gets knocked out when she hits him over the head with a trophy. And the next morning, he tries to apologize, and she’s totally cool about it. What?! And they never mention it again. Amazing. You have to love Japan sometimes. B+
FRIDAY, 11 PM
GETTING HOME
A live action movie from China, this was about a factory worker who was trying to get his dead friend’s body to his home on the other side of the country. I thought there would be lots of zany dead body comedy like in “Weekend at Bernie’s”, combined with zany road trip comedy like in “Tommy Boy”. Wait, didn’t I already talk about this?
Anyway, I was only kinda wrong. There was some Mr. Bean-like hijinks involving the body (stuffing it inside a tractor tire and rolling it along the road; dressing it up like a scarecrow, etc), but it was actually a relatively low-key comedy. It was funny, but not too wacky. Some parts are actually pretty sad, primarily surrounding the main character, as the dead body is pretty much just a plot device and doesn’t really have much value outside of that (as would be expected of a dead body). In some bizarre way, it actually kinda reminded me of “Kiki’s Delivery Service”, in that we had a likeable protagonist who just gets helped out by different strangers throughout the course of the movie, and there really isn’t any antagonist or bad guy. On the whole, I enjoyed it. B-
FRIDAY, 1 PM
I love burritos. Well, I actually love all kinds of food, but between the months of March and May this year, I probably had a burrito almost every day. Maybe I was catching up for lost time; there aren’t a lot of burrito places on the Cape, so it was largely something I discovered upon moving to Boston, and even then, not ’til my Junior year. Unless you count Grilled Stuft Burritos from Taco Bell, which had been a vice of mine for ages.
But anyway, there’s a great burrito joint just outside the convention center called California Tortilla. They have all sorts of wacky varieties of burritos, but fuck that. I want straight-up burrito. Beans, steak, rice, sour cream, salsa, yeah. So as I stood in line, waiting for my chance to order a delicious burrito, for some reason, I made the mistake of looking at other things on the menu. And there I saw them. Fish tacos.
Now, I’d always heard of fish tacos. There was a Stella routine where they talk about Irish things, like Shaquille O’Neal, soda bread and fish tacos. I always wondered what exactly they were. I decided to order some and find out. Was it shredded fish, like tuna, stuffed in a shell? Fried nuggets of battered fish in a soft shell, not unlike a KFC Twister?
The answer was both “the latter” and “neither”. They fucking sucked, that’s what. God, they were gross. Biggest waste of six bucks ever. Although I did manage to get like three refills of root beer and give myself diabeetus, so that was good.
From there, I went to the game room, where I found Dan waiting his turn for Soul Calibur IV. Dan was a very, very good SoulCal player. In general, he’s very good at a lot of fighting games, although I can still wreck him in King of Fighters, since NO ONE can beat my Ryo. But SoulCal, or at least SC2, was Dan’s forte. He was fucking good. The social retards he surrounded himself with all took pride on their SC2 abilities, and on time, one went so far as to proclaim himself “the best Nightmare in Kingston”. So of course, Dan picked Nightmare and swept him in two straight. That’s how Dan rolled.
Of course, SoulCal 4 had only been out for a week or two, and Dan was a busy man. So he came into today’s contest somewhat cold. His opponent was a black dude in dreads who had just owned the machine. When Dan faced him, he had something like 11 straight wins. Much like a friend in Vegas with a hot hand of dice, Jonny and I crowded around him as he took on the champ. And, well, he got his ass kicked. Pretty damn decisively, too. He got swept in a best of five, three in a row. Oh well.
“What the fuck was that?!” I asked him.
“I’m too nervous. I choked.” He replied. “He’s really good, though.”
“Bullshit. Get back in there and kick his ass. This is your game, remember?”
And so Dan got back in line. He faced the man again, now with his streak at something like 17. And Dan lost again, swept in three straight.
“Come on, dude. You have this. Watch his low strikes.” I really had no idea what I was talking about. But I wanted to coach a winner.
“He’s really good, dude.” Dan replied. And he got back in line.
At this point, his foe was getting cocky. He had his own personal cheering squad, and sometimes, to toy with people, he’d let his hype man play a few rounds instead. Then, when the guy was down 2-0, he’d take over again and win three straight. And make no mistake, he was good. With his streak at 22, Dan sat down again.
Dan got swept once again. But for the first two rounds, God, they were close. You could sense the anticipation in the air from the crowd around us. Dan slowed the game down, waited for him to make his moves, countered, and took the first two rounds to the very limit. There was a palpable excitement in the crowd. With a few breaks, maybe this guy could unseat the champ. But after losing the first two in heartbreaking fashion, Dan couldn’t muster the magic for round three.
“You got him, man. You figured him out. Get back there.”
“Yeah, I think I do, too.”
So Dan got back in line. And the champ won a few more. Finally, with the streak at 26 and Dan next in line, he handed the controller off to his hype man, and never took it back. His friend lost in five, and the streak was over. The new champ slid over one seat, and Dan took him on. Of course, Dan swept him. And he won the next five matches too, before finally falling to an Asian kid with an intense death stare.
God, if he only got that last rematch, he coulda beat him. I just know it. Not getting to beat the legit good dude was like the Colts finally beating the Pats in the AFC championship in ‘07, but only when the Pats had traded away their WRs, had no running game and half their defense was injured. Oh well.
FRIDAY, 4 PM
CASE CLOSED
Fuck you, I like this show. It brings back memories of my Freshman and Sophomore years of college, where I was living by myself, watching a lot of TV, and making appointments to catch this show and Lupin III. But yeah, this show was always pretty damn awesome. The voice acting was wacky, but strangely appropriate. The mysteries were always cool, even if it was sometimes hard to solve by yourself because they’d introduce critical evidence out of nowhere right before the solution. And despite looking and sounding like a kids show, the cases would always be something grotesque, like “the body was found in a puddle of blood and semen with a car battery latched on to his nipples” and no one would bat an eye. Good times. B
FRIDAY, 5 PM
SPECIAL A
More like, Shitty A. This show had so much potential. The first scene was about a little girl whose father, a wrestling fan, taught her all the tricks to pro wrestling, like drop kicks and body slams and shit. Which of course, led me to believe this show would be about a little girl who grew up to become a pro wrestler. That would’ve been awesome. But no, it was just about some secret student organization where the chick was always getting beaten in tests of skill by some guy. Boring. Maybe it got better, but once I realized it wouldn’t actually be about wrestling and was almost identical to “Best Student Council”, a show I saw in the same room a year ago, well, I wasn’t interested. What a letdown. Not that I should’ve known that going in; it was a replacement for something called “To Love Ru”, which sounded like a generic boy-meets-alien-girl show, but whatever. D+
FRIDAY, 7 PM
WELCOME TO THE NHK
Nothing really wrong with this show. Visually, it was pretty impressive. Good character design. Pretty decent dub. Interesting story. But I don’t feel compelled to watch any more than two episodes. Maybe. We’ll see.
Basically, it’s about this dude who’s a complete shut-in. I guess these are common in Japan recently. He almost never leaves his home, and spends most of his time sleeping or on his computer, not doing much. Hmm… sounds familiar. Anyway, in the throes of his madness, he decides that NHK, which I think is a TV station in Japan, is part of a conspiracy to create more shut-ins (or Hikikimoris or some wierd Japanese phrase like that), and the cute chick who works at the comic store wants to help cure him of his anxiety.
I don’t think I disliked the show so much as I disliked the people watching it. But I’ll get into them later. This show was fine, but once again, I don’t think I’ll be downloading the rest any time soon. Because that would be illegal. C+
FRIDAY, 8 PM
Burger time. If you’re ever along the mid-Atlantic corridor (Baltimore, DC, Virginia) then by all means, find a Five Guys. Even when the place is below standards (like the one by the Harbor in Baltimore), they still make the most delicious burgers ever. You can load them up with toppings and condiments, but the meat itself is so delicious, you’re sometimes better off just throwing some ketchup and pickles on there and calling it a burger. By this point of the night, I had gone to the dealers room and, for the first time ever, bought not one, but two things. A sweet MGS4 shirt that I’ll probably never wear in public, and an even sweeter Castle of Cagliostro poster that will both look great in my room and make sure I never have sex with a woman ever again. Way to go anime.
FRIDAY, 9 PM
SABER MARIONETTE J
Much like Tenchi, Macross or any of the Gundams, this was one of those shows that I had heard the title of so many times, but never once felt compelled to watch. And, well, it’s alright, but I wasn’t missing anything. It’s about a kid who finds a robot chick in an underground cave, and she ends up being clingy, obsessive and crazy. I assume, from the opening credits, he eventually meets two more. It’s typical mid 90s anime wackiness; if that’s your thing, check it out. Personally, I prefer 80s anime wackiness. In the 90s, jokes were generally just unfunny, and you laugh at them because you want to pretend what you’re watching is actually funny. Kinda like how in “Lord of the Rings”, when the hobbits set off the fireworks in the party and everyone laughs, only it’s not really all that funny, but you pretend to enjoy it because you assume that kind of whimsy and mischief was funny in the days of Middle Earth. But in the 80s, the jokes were funny, both intentionally and unintentionally. For instance, “Future Police Urashiman”, which remains the greatest television series of all time, had really simple humor, like Ryuu’s car driving through a restaurant and breaking a table or two, which is just goofy, but then Ryuu would say right afterwards “Oops! Look like I ruined someone’s dinner!” which is completely unecessary, since we just saw what happened, but somehow makes a lame joke instantly funny. But yeah, nothing special about this show. The snooty antagonist is kinda funny, though. C
FRIDAY, 10 PM
CLAYMORE
This is a show that should’ve been made at least 10 years ago, preferably about 13. Modern animes follow a disturbing trend nowadays that requires them to have a significant lack of color, personality, and likable characters. The action scenes are over-stylized, and there’s unnecessary usage of CGI for certain visual effects. Also, they tend to have really, really awful dubs. Enter Claymore.
Claymore could’ve been awesome. Maybe it still is. But it falls into all the traps set by modern animes in an effort to appeal to the modern anime fan. I mean, shit, someone’s buying it, so I guess I don’t blame them. But this show in 1995 would’ve been a lot better, I think.
From what I can tell from the first episode, it’s about a female knight who’s part of this secret organization of demon beast hunters. She goes to a town, ices a demon beast, and takes a really annoying young boy under her wing. I assume in later episodes, she kills more demon beast things, the boy falls in love with her, and she probably dies. But I don’t know anything for sure. At least, plotwise, I don’t.
I do know that the show suffers from everything I just said. Really, awful dubbing (I couldn’t believe how bad the boy is), no personality, and the main female lead being so angsty and quiet that I really don’t give a shit about her at all. Characters don’t always have to be overly jolly, nice people with warm hearts. But there has to be something there for me to latch on to so that I can root for them. This show didn’t have it. Look at Fujiko, from Lupin. She’s a lying, cheating, stealing bitch who sleeps with any and every guy she thinks can make her the most money, but she’s a genuinely likable character, even if she double crosses Lupin almost every episode.
Anyway, I’m sure I’m not giving Claymore a fair shot, considering they only showed one episode, but I’m probably not gonna see if I’m right or wrong anytime soon. C
FRIDAY, 11 PM
MNEMOSYNE
Raise your hand if you like boobs. What about guns? And who here likes torture porn? Is your hand still raised? Then this is the show for you. Actually, to be fair, it was actually kinda good. But it was also a little disturbing, and I can’t in good conscience recommend it to anyone I would see in person on a regular basis.
Its a show about a big titty detective named Rin, who has green hair, glasses, and a strange lesbian relationship with her secretary, who looks like a teenager but is supposedly much older. Rin is also immortal. The show opens with a red-headed chick chasing Rin up some stairs, shooting Rin repeatedly, then finally shooting her some more as she hangs off a building ledge. She shoots her so much, she shoots her hand off. Rin falls to her death. The artists take special care during this scene to show that Rin is only wearing a lab coat and nothing else, but them titty is always obscured by something. Then, Rin somehow wakes up the next day without a scratch on her. Still naked, though, and our view of them titty still obstructed.
I bring this up not because of disappointment that I didn’t get to see them titty, because come on, I have the internet. I can see big anime titty whenever I want. But for the first few scenes, Rin is almost always naked, and each scene, they take special care to obstruct our view.
And then, for the rest of the episode, they just give up and show as much titty as possible. I have no idea why. It was like they were making the episode, and some producer shows up halfway through production and is like, “You guys do know that we can have full frontal, right?” and all the animators jump out of their seats and are all like “FUCK YEAH! TITTY CITY!!”
Anyway, Rin is a detective, she solves a mystery of some dude, it turns out the dude is a clone, Rin gets tortured to all hell (hope you like piercings), dies, and magically comes back to life, wherein she forces her torturer to be eaten by zombies (!) and blows the laboratory up. I dunno. There were 7 more episodes, apparently, and I’m sure they answer every question, but I’m a little weary of watching any more. I don’t know if I can look at a nipple piercing the same ever again. Not that I’ve ever actually seen- no wait, I did once. It was gross. Nevermind.
So like I was saying, the show’s okay. Well drawn, but just a little too grotesque. Also, like “Welcome to NHK”, I was stuck in an awful theater. But once again, I’ll get into that tomorrow. C+
SATURDAY, 1 AM
And that was it for Friday. All in all, not a bad day, but relatively unremarkable. The only thing I saw that I would feel compelled to watch on my own was Honneamise, which I’ll probably end up doing. Saturday looked much more promising, and was traditionally the better day in past Otakons, anyway. I went back to Joel’s, bought a mint ice cream sandwich (Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints the Mormons those things are fucking good. I wish I sold them on my truck) and Canada Dry Vanilla Cream Soda (much, much better than regular cream soda. I need to be on the lookout for that shit up here… man, I’m thirsty for it right now), plus some Candy cigarettes, because they were there and they were delicious. I highlighted my schedule for the next day, and went to bed, with visions of sugar plums and big titty bitches getting tortured dancing in my head.
