Nothing on the horizon. In the meantime, here’s a meme I stole from Neil. Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.

1. Put your iTunes (or any other media player you may have) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
“California’s Dark”
The Nightwatchman
That would depend on if “this” is California.

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
“Heaven’s Rain”
We Love Katamari
That either makes me sound like the biggest badass on the planet, or a total fruit. Probably the latter.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
“Jimmy James”
Beastie Boys
Do you mean in a porno? Then no.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
“Katamari on the Rock”
Katamari Damacy
For about a month it certainly was.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
“Lonely Horseman”
The Aquabats
I use that to scare off chicks all the time, but they always end up intrigued by me even more.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
“Sequence Erase”
The Aquabats
Hmm…

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
“My Michelle”
Guns ‘n’ Roses
I used to love her, then I had to kill her.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
“Let Freedom Ring”
The Nightwatchman
I guess this is true.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
“Sucka Nigga”
A Tribe Called Quest
Let’s keep moving.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
“B For My Name”
Beastie Boys
I give my name a C- at most. A B would be something cool like Van Halen or Powers.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
“Stay Hungry”
Twisted Sister
If this was “I Wanna Rock” or “S.M.F.”, this woulda been perfect.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
“Goal and Score”
Yoshi’s Island
What a failure that strategy turned out to be.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
“White and Nerdy”
Weird Al Yankovic
This is undoubtedly true.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
“She Hates Me”
Richard Cheese
Yeah, I kinda saw that coming.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
“Rock and Roll”
Led Zeppelin
Fuck yeah they will.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
“Moskau”
Dschinghis Khan
Considering I listened to this song nonstop for two months straight, that’s not entirely inaccurate.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
“Shadrach”
Beastie Boys
Can’t win ‘em all.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
“Way to Fall”
Starsailor
I’ll hold off commenting on this one.

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
“1983… (A Merman I Should Turn to Be)”
Jimi Hendrix
I agree.

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
“Superrappin’”
Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five
God I hope so.

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
“Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood”
The Animals
Aww, cute.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
“Thriller”
Michael Jackson
It is pretty funny when he’s trying to tell his girl that he’s “different”.

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
“The Stroke”
Billy Squire
It’s like the soundtrack of my future.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
“Buggin’ Out”
A Tribe Called Quest
Fitting.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
“Amnesia Was Her Name”
Lemon Demon
I’m not so sure about that. It kinda sounds nice with my last name.

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
“Bubbleman”
The Advantage
That’s comforting.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
“Tarzan Boy”
Baltimora
I wouldn’t change this song for the world.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
“Pass the Mic”
Beastie Boys
It was a bad handoff.

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
“Snake Eater”
Cynthia Harrell
Really? Fine. But judging from 2005, this’ll be like the 6th post on this site with that title.

Yeah, sorry, folks. Moving, getting a new job, being busy, being lazy, feeling sorry for myself (long story) and general lack of motivation have kinda submarined this site once again. NFL picks are suspended indefinitely. I’m pretty sure I woulda gone 9-7, 8-8 or 7-9 most weeks anyway.

I’ll be back eventually. Thanks for reading. All two of you.

I’m in a hurry. Again. Sorry. I’ll try to have something this weekend. Jets +4 over Pats.

I forgot there was a game tonight. CLEVELAND (-3) over Denver. Also, yay election.

Still a little hungover from the always amazing Tasteless Halloween Party last night. Once again, no little blurbs. No time.

BUFFALO (-5) over NY Jets
Detroit (+12.5) over CHICAGO
Jacksonville (-7.5) over CINCINNATI
Baltimore (+2) over CLEVELAND
TENNESSEE (-4) over Green Bay
KANSAS CITY (+9) over Tampa Bay
Arizona (-3) over ST. LOUIS
Houston (+5) over MINNESOTA
Miami (+3.5) over DENVER
Atlanta (+3) over OAKLAND
NY GIANTS (-8.5) over Dallas
Philadelphia (-6.5) over SEATTLE
INDIANAPOLIS (-6.5) over New England
Pittsburgh (+2) over WASHINGTON

You fuckers are lucky the NBA season is starting tonight, or else you never would’ve gotten an update.

In football: 8-6 on the week, which brings me to 59-55-3. I might actually sneak out a winning record this season… is what I’d say if I wanted to jinx myself. Stay the course. These colors don’t run.

What are ya readin?: Just finished Bret Hart’s book, “Hitman: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling”. It was pretty great. I mean, depressing as all hell, and very, very long. There aren’t many jokes, and it wasn’t nearly as much fun to read as Chris Jericho’s book, but man, it was good. Very informative. Bret has an opinion on just about everyone in the business and doesn’t hold back on anyone, good or bad. Does he come across as bitter sometimes? Sure. Arrogant? Perhaps. He certainly is well aware he’s one of the best wrestlers of all time. But he’s also brutally honest about his faults, to the extent that if it was packaged as “The Unauthorized Biography by Ricky Jackson”, I’d think half of it were lies. Long story short, Bret cheated on his wife. A lot. He doesn’t sound proud of it, but he also doesn’t apologize for anything. I highly recommend it; it’s a great read.

What are ya watchin?: SNL’s pretty great again. Did you notice? A great cast, great writing, willing to take chances and be mean; it’s refreshing to see it back. I mean, sure, there’s flaws. Fred Armisen’s Obama is accurate, but not funny. Seeing Will Ferrell come back to do Bush one last time is a reminder that the best impressions don’t have to be accurate, as long as they’re funny. Of course, I’m not quite sure how you do a funny impression of Barack Obama (I’m sure Tim Meadows would’ve found a way), but if we’re spending the next four to eight years with him, I hope they have something better on the horizon.

And while I think Kenan Thompson is funny, they use him a little too much. It seems like he’s in every sketch, and Kenan basically has one character and one voice that he does for every skit. Not that it isn’t funny, but it’d be better if they saved it for one or two big skits a night. Meanwhile, Andy Samberg almost never gets used, even though the skits he’s in are almost always the funniest of the night. I dunno. But still, the show’s looking pretty great. I love Kristen Wiig, who is more than ready to fill the void left by Poehler (and is also pretty damn fine, if I do say so myself), and if Bobby Moynihan can remember his lines and stop staring at cue cards, he’s got a big future. Its much more of an ensemble cast than past years; there’s no Hartman or Ferrell to anchor the show, nor is there a Belushi, Murphy or Farley; that breakout star that completely steals the scene every time out there. Everyone seems to work well together. Hopefully they can keep it going for a while.

Current Pressing Sports Commentary: The NBA’s starting up again. If you told me 8 years ago that I’d care infinitely more about the NBA than the NHL to the extent that I wouldn’t be able to name more than 10 guys on the Bruins, I’d laugh at you, and also ask if you had any cake (I was very fat back then). But with the Celtics tankjob and infinite rebuilding process somehow being more interesting than the Bruins hovering around a 9th seed every season, and the subsequent payoff of a dream season last year, I’ve kinda become a Celtics man. It’s funny how, 2-3 years ago, I wrote a long piece about how the Celtics had two choices; trade Pierce and rebuild or keep Pierce and trade the prospects for big names, and how Danny went for option #3: keep Pierce and rebuild. And I said that it was a mistake because if they traded Pierce, they could’ve gotten cap space for a guy like Ray Allen or Michael Redd, or if they traded Gerald Green and Al Jefferson and others they could’ve gotten Kevin Garnett or Jermaine O’Neal, and by standing pat, they eliminated both those options. And yet, somehow, they got both KG and Allen and kept Pierce, making it the first time a team I made in NBA 2K5 somehow came to life.

Anyway, its fun being a C’s fan, as opposed to being a Red Sox fan. Sure, there are bandwagoners, but this Celtics team is infinitely more likeable than the team of aggressive, balding white guys at Fenway. Do I think they’ll repeat this year? Of course I do. I’m more biased than the Drudge Report. Prediction time.

Eastern Conference Finals: Boston over Cleveland
Western Conference Finals: Utah over LA Lakers
NBA Finals: Boston over Utah
MVP: LeBron James
ROY: Derrick Rose

Sorry, another quick version this week. You’d figure with me being unemployed that I’d have a lot more free time to write, and you’d be right, but I instead do even less productive things with that free time. Go figure. 8-6 last week, which puts me to 51-49-3. For some reason, I like almost every road team this week. Weird.

Tampa (+1) over DALLAS
Washington (-7.5) over DETROIT
Buffalo (PK) over MIAMI
St. Louis (+9.0) over NEW ENGLAND
San Diego (-3) over NEW ORLEANS
Kansas City (+14) over NY JETS
Atlanta (+9.5) over PHILADELPHIA
Arizona (+5.5) over CAROLINA
BALTIMORE (-8.5) over Oakland
HOUSTON (-9) over Cincinnati
JACKSONVILLE (-7) over Cleveland
NY Giants (+3) over PITTSBURGH
SAN FRANCISCO (-5.5) over Seattle
TENNESSEE (-4) over Indianapolis

I certainly didn’t mean for the pattern to be these bi-weekly picks, but I constantly find myself in locations without internet on Sunday mornings, and I’ll be damned if I do anything, say, a day before it’s due as opposed to the day of. And for some reason, my Blackberry can’t log on to WordPress. Odd. Anyway, as mentioned last week (or whenever I last wrote something), I somehow went 10-3-1 two weeks ago. Don’t ask how. That bumped me to 39-33-3. Last week, I picked these. Winners in bold. There weren’t many.

Baltimore (+3.5) over INDIANAPOLIS
MINNESOTA (-13) over Detroit
NEW ORLEANS (-7) over Oakland
NY JETS (-9.5) over Cincinnati
ATLANTA (+3) over Chicago
Carolina (+1.5) over TAMPA BAY
WASHINGTON (-13) over St. Louis
Miami (+3) over HOUSTON
DENVER (-3) over Jacksonville
Philadelphia (-4.5) over SAN FRANCISCO
SEATTLE (+1.5) over Green Bay
Dallas (-4.5) over ARIZONA
New England (+5) over SAN DIEGO
NY Giants (-7.5) over CLEVELAND

That 4-10 week put me right back where I started at 43-43-3. Awesome. Totally squandered that great week. As for this week, I’ve been playing Fable 2, which is pretty rad, and we just discovered a co-op mode, so I’m gonna get back to that as soon as possible. Although I think perhaps I might be better at picking games if I actually watched them instead of playing games on Sunday. Oh well. I’m tired of betting on good teams to blow out shitty ones and then just lose outright, so I’m playing it close this week.

Tennessee (-9) over KANSAS CITY
ST. LOUIS over (+7) Dallas
San Diego (PK) over BUFFALO
CINCINNATI (+9.5) over Pittsburgh
Baltimore (+3) over MIAMI
Minnesota (+3) over CHICAGO
CAROLINA (-3) over New Orleans
NY GIANTS (-10.5) over San Francisco
Detroit (+9.5) over HOUSTON
Indianapolis (-1.5) over GREEN BAY
NY Jets (-3) over OAKLAND
Cleveland (+7.5) over WASHINGTON
Seattle (+10.5) over TAMPA BAY
Denver (+3.5) over NEW ENGLAND

Every week I post my picks for the week’s football matches. Very often, I am wrong. I do this for three reasons. First, I need content on my site; you’ll notice during the football offseason that there’s very little activity here. The fact is, everything I could say on most subjects has already been said by someone else, and probably more eloquently. Second, Simmons does it, and he seems to do alright for himself. But the third reason is, I wanted to have a few practice years before I actually went ahead and started putting money on these things. You know, to figure some stuff out, try to work out little theories and build an intuition for these kinds of things. And while I had a winning record in my first year, the last two seasons have not been positive. So I didn’t plan on betting on football any time soon. Not to mention, I didn’t really have a lot of money just lying around to dump on games in the first place.

I might make a picture of Kimbo later. In the mean time, here’s Vinny Vegas.

But this weekend, I fell victim to addiction. Considering the fact that I don’t smoke anything, and I don’t get drunk very often (by my count, four times in the last four months), I am a man with few dangerous addictions. Gambling is not one of these addictions, either. I buy a scratch ticket once every few months whenever I cash in whatever change I had lying around the house, but beyond that, I’m not a gambling man. But this weekend… well, I slipped a little.

I usually don’t care much about Mixed Martial Arts. I’m kind of forced to follow it, if such a thing is possible, because the wrestling site I read seems to be covering it more and more often these days. And occasionally, there’s something that piques my interest. Usually Brock Lesnar or Kimbo Slice. As you’re well aware, Kimbo had a fight this weekend. And somehow, through heavy coverage of it on F4W, I began to anticipate the show. Gina Carano was a hottie, so it wouldn’t take much for me to watch her. The fact that she was beating the shit out of someone was kind of an added bonus, in some sick, perverse way. But the real attraction was Kimbo vs Ken Shamrock.

Here’s the thing about Kimbo. He’s a giant, scary black guy with a sweet beard and giant muscles. I wouldn’t fuck with him if I had six knives. But most of the talk about Kimbo this summer was about finding the right opponent for him. He looked bad against James Thompson and barely beat him, and EliteXC knew that they needed to find a guy who had some name value, but also wasn’t particularly good. Because, you see, while Kimbo is big and scary and draws ratings, he sucks at MMA. So EliteXC has to protect him and feed jobbers to him to make him look scary and to keep idiots like me tuning in. So they settled on Shamrock, who is old and hasn’t won in forever. Of course, if he somehow won, EliteXC could then promote a fight with him and his brother Frank, which would also be big money. But most likely, they were counting on Shamrock going in there and getting knocked the fuck out by Kimbo.

Then, a few days ago, someone brought attention to the money line set for Shamrock. It was at +250. For those of you unfamiliar with money lines, +250 means that, if I bet $100 and won, I’d win $250. Betting $50 would get me $125, and so on. If the line is a negative, like -300, then that’s the opposite; I would have to bet $300 to win $100. So a $50 bet would net me about $18 or so. The underdog usually gets the positive line, and the favorite gets the negative line, the logic being, obviously, that you are rewarded greater for taking the chance on the underdog. So with the line for Shamrock being set at +250, if I bet just $20, I’d win $50. It’d be a nice little wager and something to artificially pique my interest in the show. If I actually had a vested interest in the winner, surely the match would be more fun to watch.

Eventually, however, I talked myself out of it. There’s no way Ken Shamrock was winning, especially when I heard an MMA analyst say Shamrock was basically being paid to stand up with Kimbo and try to beat him with strikes, rather than submit him, which was Shamrock’s specialty, and instead just get his face hammered for a minute until Kimbo won and CBS made lots of money. This made plenty of sense. So I gave up on that idea pretty easily. On this same interview, however, the guy was asked about one of the undercard matches. It pitted former UFC champion Andrei Arlovski (who apparently used to be a big deal but I’ve never heard of him) against a guy named Roy Nelson. And this analyst stated, with zero doubt in his voice, that Roy Nelson was going to win. No question about it. No one was taking Nelson seriously because he hadn’t had many TV appearances, but he was a legend in Las Vegas, and everyone he talked to thought Nelson was a good enough wrestler to take out Arlovsky.

And wouldn’t you know it, but BetUS.com had Nelson at +350. Hot damn! So I convinced myself to do it. I’m betting on an MMA fight. $20. I’ve spent that much on dumber shit before. Hell, I spent $100 on Valentine’s Day this year, and the bitch cheated on me two days later. Surely betting a measly $20 wouldn’t hurt me. So I signed up for a BetUS account.

This was hitch number one.

Betting on BetUS is not a matter of simply saying “I want $20 from this credit card on this fight.” No, instead, you have to deposit money into a virtual account, which then allows you to bet on lots of stuff after that. As it stood, I did not oppose that system. Since receiving the winnings would take a week or two anyway, it allowed your winnings to go into your balance, which you could later decide to spend on another bet, if you so chose. However, the first problem came when it was time to add money to the account. For you see, you had to deposit a minumum of $50. “Shit”, I said. “I don’t want to spend $50, I just want to bet $20.” But, in my greed, I decided to go for it anyway. Perhaps I’d see another bet down the line that I’d spend the remaining $30 on.

Transaction done. Put $20 on Roy Nelson at +350 (a payout of $70). Oh yeah, I was gonna be a rich man. Even better was that a few minutes later, the line dropped to +300, meaning I struck while the iron was hot.

A few hours later the show was about to begin. And then the news came; Ken Shamrock was off the main event because of a cut on his eye. The athletic commission wouldn’t clear him to fight. Instead, Kimbo would face a guy who was previously scheduled to work the undercard. Seth Petruzelli. Sounds like a jobber to me. At this moment, I was simultaneously disappointed that Shamrock was out, since the night was significantly less interesting, and relieved I didn’t bet on him. I would’ve got my money back, but it would’ve been a downer to get myself worked up for something and just have it end for nothing.

But my Nelson bet was still on. Through the course of the night, however, there was a little chatter on the F4W boards. “If Kimbo loses to this guy, EliteXC is fucked” they all said. And then one man spoke up. “So should I put money on Petruzelli, then?” Had this person not posted this, I never would’ve thought about it. Surely this jabroni is an even bigger underdog, right? And people think Kimbo could lose to him? I asked a few people what they thought; they guessed that if lines came out for the fight in the next hour, Petruzelli would be favored over Kimbo. I could not believe this. I asked one guy if Petruzelli came out as an underdog, should I jump on it, and he said “absolutely”.

Lo and behold, the line popped up a few minutes later, with Petruzelli listed at +250. With the extra $30 in my account and stuck in some bank account in Costa Rica, I dropped another $20, this time on Petruzelli.

In the TMI Department, I should note that for lunch, I had a Quizno’s Black Angus Steak sub, and for dinner, I had a sirloin steak. Nothing but steak all day. This, of course, meant I would be spending a long amount of time on the toilet that night. And while I was lucky to catch Gina Carano beat the shit out of her significantly less-attractive opponent, I soon had to retreat to the washroom to undertake another epic bowel movement.

And by the time I had come back, Roy Nelson had already been knocked out.

Last time I take gambling advice from a wrestling podcast.

With $20 down the drain (or toilet, if you will), I watched the Shields/Daley match with only minor interest. I was about to lose another $20 to some no-name jobber getting his ass beat by the big scary black guy.

And, well, Petruzelli beat him. In 14 seconds. Punched him in the face, stunned him, punched him on the side (back?) of the head and the ref stopped it. Fight over. And I was $30 bucks richer.

The rest of the night, I felt great. I won my first wager, and stood with career record of 1-1. I was a Gambling Man. With the extra ten dollars still in my account, my balance stood at $80. Awesome.

And then, well, I got a little greedy. I went on a search for more underdogs. I eventually found three enticing ones. First, the Patriots listed at +2000 to outright win the Super Bowl. I put $10 on that. I figure, hey, what the hell, it’s only 10 bucks, and if the Pats somehow win the whole thing, that’s $200 right there. Easy peasy. Second, I found the Rays listed as underdogs against the White Sox, even though they had a 2-0 series lead. The line wasn’t huge, but it was still a positive. And finally, I saw the spread of the Red Sox-Angels game. 1 1/2 runs. If I picked it, the Sox would have to win by two or more runs. And I would win lots of money. I ended up taking both of them in a parlay, which basically is when you take two bets, and double the winnings if both hit. If either one misses, you lose both. Whatever. I put down $20 with a chance to win a few cents more than $80. If that one hit, I’d have a total profit of $150. Big fuckin’ money. And I still had $50 sitting in my balance, in case none of them worked out, so I could at least break even. Playing it safe, you see.

I was quite confident in both picks. As I said, both teams were already leading the series 2-0, and while the Rays were on the road, the matchup (Garza vs Danks) seemed pretty even, and all they had to do was win; no spread involved. And the Sox were at Fenway, having won the last 11 games against the Angels (although that number’s a little deceiving; 3 of them came in 1986, but I digress) and Josh Beckett was on the mound.

By 4 PM, the deal was busted. The Rays fell behind 5-1, and while Bad Street Brawler B.J. Upton cut it to 5-3 with a 2-run homer, it wasn’t enough. Tampa lost, and no matter the outcome of the Sox game, my bet was ghost.

Dejected, I decided to cut my losses and cash out. I went to my account on BetUS, and ordered a check for $50. But it didn’t go through. Wierd. So I tried again. Same error message. Something about credit card info being invalid, which in itself was an invalid complaint because my credit card had nothing to do with anything. I was ordering a check to be mailed to my house. And while my mother probably would’ve thought it was junk mail and thrown it out, it was still $50.

And then I noticed something. Whenever I typed in how much I wanted the check to be for, a little note popped up, saying “Fee: $50″. Yes, they wanted to charge me a $50 processing fee for my winnings, which also happened to be $50. So even if I had cashed in right after winning the Petruzelli fight, I would’ve lost $20 total. I would’ve paid $20 for the right to bet on Seth Petruzelli and win. This was not a smart business decision.

Needless to say, I was furious. I looked all over the website, trying to find where in the small print it said I had to pay $50. I didn’t find it anywhere. The bastards cheated me. I did a search for BetUS and lo and behold, most people were talking shit about it, saying they had generous lines, but the payout system was bullshit, primarily because of the $50 fee. And many folks often never received their checks or had to wait months for them.

I was scammed. I got suckered. I was an idiot.

So I was stuck with $50 of digital money that I couldn’t touch anymore. All I could do was bet with it.

I never wanted to use BetUS again, but I gave it one last go. It was my only chance (beyond the Pats winning the Super Bowl four months from now) to try and get my money back.

BetUS has live betting, which is used for games in progress. If the Angels were down 3-1, they’d have a giant underdog line, which you could bet on in that moment in hopes of capitalizing; assuming they’d come back and win later. It’s like buying low and selling high, except no selling. Desperate to have my money issue resolved as soon as possible, I decided to bite the bullet and just put the remaining $50 on the Sox to win outright, which was only a measly -130 (meaning that my $50 bet would net me about $38). I placed this bet in the 10th inning, when Papelbon was mowing down hitters, and due up in the next frame was Pedroia, Ortiz, Youkilis, Bay and Lowell. I felt pretty good about my chances.

If you saw the game tonight, you know what happened. In the 10th, the Sox loaded the bases with two outs, but Jed Lowrie lined out. In the 11th, Coco Crisp was on second with Pedroia up, but he grounded out. In the 12th, the Angels scored off Javier Lopez, who is not, in fact, as good as Jonathan Papelbon. Then, David Ortiz worked a walk to lead off the bottom of the 12th, but was stranded as the Angels won Game 3.

On Saturday, I spent $50. I bet $40, and won $50. Which, if you trust my math, was a net gain of $30.

On Sunday, I bet $80, and I lost $70 of it. The other $10 won’t be won or lost until January.

Total net gain? $-50.00

If you’re gonna gamble, kids, don’t use BetUS. They are con artists, and I hate them.

But the moral of the story is, don’t gamble. You’ll lose.

Also, in the ultimate irony, my football picks went 9-3-1 today, which might be the single best week I’ve ever had. Funny how that works.

Fuck.

Oh, nevermind, there’s only one October. I see.

Short version today. I’m 90% certain there’s a mouse in my room, so I’m going to the store and buying lots of ballistic weapons to destroy it. I hate mice.

Chicago (-3) over DETROIT
Atlanta (+5.5) over GREEN BAY
San Diego (-6) over MIAMI
NY GIANTS (-6.5) over Seattle
Washington (+6.5) over PHILADELPHIA
CAROLINA (-10) over Kansas City
Tennessee (+1) over BALTIMORE
Indianapolis (-4) over HOUSTON
DENVER (-4) over Tampa Bay
Cincinnati (+16) over DALLAS
Buffalo (+2) over ARIZONA
New England (-3) over SAN FRANCISCO
Pittsburgh (+5.5) over JACKSONVILLE
Minnesota (-3) over NEW ORLEANS