In the words of Pete Carroll, I’m getting pumped and jacked.
In two days, I will have nothing to live for.
I waited 3 years for Metal Gear Solid 3 to come out. It did, and it instantly became my third favorite game behind the immortal Yoshi’s Island and Final Fantasy VII.
I’ve waited two years for Family Guy to come back. It has, and I loved it. Each episode, despite being made with a higher budget and the occasional forced joke, has kept the spirit of the original and made me laugh my ass off continuously.
And on Thursday, my longest wait will come to an end.
I didn’t become a Star Wars nut until about 5th grade. When I did, I fell hard. I developed an unhealthy adoration for Boba Fett, I knew the names of some of the Stormtroopers, even though they were never said in the movies, I became an expert on weaponry and starfighters, knowing their manufacturers, source of ammo and fuel, and who used them. I was a full-on nerd. Now, keep in mind, I’ve always been a nerd, at least since around mid 1996, when I was in between 5th and 6th Grade. That’s when I became a real videogame geek, and coincidentally, gained tons of weight. But in order to become a full fledged nerd, it’s like college; you need certain credits in certain departments. To be a full fledged nerd, you need to be fluent in any, some or all of the following three entities: Star Wars, Star Trek, or Lord of the Rings. Star Trek requires the most involvement, and Lord of the Rings has the least material but, until the movies came out, was the hardest to access and comprehend. So me, being a chronic non-effort-type-person-man-thing-boy, took the easiest and, if I may be so inclined to say, the best of the three.
The Special Editions came out, and I was getting hyped. Although my bad grades forbade me from seeing A New Hope until a few weeks before it left theaters, I dutifully showed up for Episodes V and VI, the entire time completely aware it was just an appetizer for May 19th, 1999. Of course, once again, my failure to perform in school (and keep a clean bedroom) prevented me from catching it the day it came out, I saw it, and I loved it. I was oblivious to it’s flaws (which, looking back, weren’t that bad), because it was Star Wars, dammit, and this was the first new one in almost 17 years. Sure, Jar Jar was obnoxious, and yes, Anakin was a little… annoying (Yippee!). But there was an awesome saber fight, some neato starfighter action, a kickass soundtrack, one of my first movie-crushes in Natalie Portman, and Samuel Fucking Jackson. I didn’t complain. The sea of negativity infected me, however, over the next few years. I mean, how could a movie live up to that much buildup? It’s almost as if the hype exceeded 100%, and even the perfect film would still fall below expectations. While Episode I wasn’t perfect, it was a victim of it’s own hype.
So Lucas took the smart route with Episode II. He didn’t hype it at all. There was the occasional commercial, but there was no Pepsi tie-in, no TRL music video, no nothing. Me, being a big-time Star Wars fan (albeit not as big as I once was), didn’t even know it had been released until the night I saw it. I mean, “Attack of the Clones?” Star Wars was almost a punchline. Star Wars almost became Poochy. But I watched Episode II anyway.
What a wonderful fucking movie. Was there a lot of sappy dialogue? Sure. Too much? Not necessarily. But seriously, What a Wonderful Fucking Movie. As I told my media teacher and fellow Star Wars nut Mr. Whinnem the next week, it’s not a great movie like the Godfather, Lord of the Rings or even Empire Strikes Back. But it’s one of the most enjoyable things I’d ever watched. The nonstop action scenes, the constant barrage of sweet lines, Samuel Fucking Jackson, Boba Fett’s “They killed the woman I loved” Desperado moment (although you need to repace “woman” with “father”, and instead of holding his lover’s body, replace it with his papi’s severed head), the even-more-kickass soundtrack, the Yoda fight scene (which replaced “The Crying Game” as the secret that needed to be kept until you saw the movie), everything. I love that movie. I still don’t know why I don’t own it to this day. Even the initial teaser poster, with the whole “A jedi shall not know anger, nor hatred, nor love” line fucking rocked my socks, even though I hadn’t even seen the damn thing until after I saw the movie. What a wonderful fucking movie.
And all of the sudden, I was back. I popped in Jedi Knight and X-Wing Alliance in my PC every few months. I bought Battlefront. I started wearing my old Boba Fett shirt again. I bought a computer with the system requirements for Knights of the Old Republic and the MMORPG in mind (although I haven’t found the time for either of them). I even began trying to seduce a cute sophomore because she was a Star Wars fan (you can guess if I succeeded). I was a Star Wars nut again. Oh, the glory.
Episode III comes out on Tuesday. It’ll probably be sold out everywhere, and I probably won’t have a car by that time. I might not get to see it until Saturday or Sunday. There’s tons of hype again. You can buy a Pepsi 2-Liter with a Darth Vader bio on it, you can (usually) buy a Darth Dew Slurpee at 7-11, and you can turn on the TV and see Chewbacca in Cingular and Burger King commercials. But there’s a different atmosphere about this movie. It’s getting mostly positive reviews, and you get the feeling that the negative reviews are just guys trying to buck the trend. It’s also PG-13, which usually doesn’t mean much, but I have a feeling there’s not going to be a lot of cute characters designed to sell action figures in this one. Kevin Smith said the only funny moments belong to R2-D2, and a beeping trashcan robot is pretty funny in itself, so they probably won’t deviate far from the beeping robot trashcan jokes. This movie is gonna be awesome. Even if it sucks, I’ll convince myself it’s awesome. I knew this movie was gonna be a bloodbath. Someone has to freak out and kill Amidala, Samuel Fucking Jackson, and the rest of the Jedi council. You just knew it had to end like this. As they said on the original Japanese poster for End of Evangelion, wouldn’t it be nice if everyone would just die?
I’ve waited too damn long for this movie. George Lucas once said Star Wars is, in it’s heart, about the youth having to make up for their parents’ mistakes. The original trilogy was the Galactic Civil War, the battle of Good vs Evil, and Good wins. The new trilogy is the meeting of Len Bias and the WCW Invasion. The chosen one, the guy who would make good. The guy who could make the one thing happen that we’d always want to see.
And this time, the bad guys win.
The good guy turns evil. Potential is ruined. Hearts break. People die.
The fate of destruction is also the joy of rebirth.
Star Wars represents my formative years. I grew up with Star Wars. It’s my childhood. It’s been my life up to this point. Unless the terrorists have something planned or there’s a shitty driver in my future, my life mosy likely won’t end within the next week. But Star Wars will.
I don’t know what my life will be like after Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or whenever I see the movie. And honestly, I’m looking forward to finding out.
I’m ready for this.
